Paying the Piper

Earlier this year, my husband was talking to our neighbors, who were commenting to him how wonderful it is to hear our children laughing and playing in the yard.  The neighborhood, they said, having lived in it for a good many years before we moved in, used to be full of young families and kids running around everywhere.  The last few years?  Not so much.  Some families have moved away, and others have grown up since then.  But it seems that even the families who have moved in to replace them have fewer children.  What a remarkable change that must be, for them to have noticed so clearly, and for my little family to stand out in such a way.

Another friend of mine, with well-meaning if misguided intentions, asked me "Do you really think abortion affects your life in any real way?"  Their point, of course, was that since I'm not "directly affected" by abortion, I ought to keep my moral-high-ground mouth shut and let these people make their own bad decisions.  But the question got me thinking: Is it possible to quantify in some way the effect that abortion has had on my life?  How likely is it that I know (or rather, ought to know) somebody who has been aborted?

After a surprisingly light amount of digging and a little calculator work, I found my answer.

30.

That is how many people are missing from your life because of abortion.  30 people, who never had the chance to be a part of things, who may have missed out on the suffering of life, but who also missed out on the joys and triumphs of learning and growing and loving.  For those of you interested in hearing how I arrived at my answer, read on- if you see any glaring errors in math, please let me know.  For those of you uninterested, you can go ahead and skip to the bottom.

According to the CDC in 2009, well over 700,000 abortions were reported for the year in the US (this does not include "unreported" abortions, which are reputedly common, especially in businesses that have no compunction against covering up statutory rape, or performing "live birth" or late term abortions illegally).  The US has a current estimated population of 315,565,515.  "Dunbar's Number," an estimate for how many people each person functionally "knows," including relatives, friends, and familiar acquaintances in stable relationships, ranges from 100 to around 230, with a commonly used value of 150.  While many people maintain friendships with others limiting age ranges to within around 6 years of oneself, family members and work relationships often span larger ranges.

To gain an estimation, I look at a range of around 10 years for the average ages of those involved in a given group of relationships.  With an average lifespan of 79 years, according to the CDC, we should divide the population number by 8 (80/10): 39,445,689 (note: this is purely for an average; populations of age groups will vary in actuality, because fewer people reach older ages than those in younger ages, etc.).  If abortion rates remain fairly steady over the course of 10 years, averaging 700,000/year (VERY conservative estimate), we would average 7,000,000 in the 10 year period.  (Note: the CDC does point out that the abortion rate for 2009 was decreased from previous years, and that the ratio of live births to abortions was 1000:227).  



This means that just under 1/4 of all pregnancies end in abortion- that approximately 1/5th of a given generation or age group is missing.  Just gone.  That's about 30 of your "Dunbar's Number"- about 30 people that you might be related to, friends with, work with, are NOT HERE, because they were aborted before they had a chance to get to know you.  Do not fool yourself into thinking that abortion is a private decision, with purely private consequences.  Maybe, if abortion were actually SAFE and RARE in addition to being legal, you could argue the point.  But this is not a victimless crime, and it is certainly not something that has no impact on society as a whole or other individuals personally.  

But this is purely from a standpoint of the baby being lost; what about the other consequences of abortion?  The CDC admits to 12 abortion-related maternal deaths in the year 2008 (the latest year for which that information is available); other sources speculate on the number being much higher, due to indirect causality, but these numbers, for obvious reasons, cannot be verified.  This number may also be skewed because 1) not all areas are required to report abortions, and 2) not all abortions are legal, and therefore would be covered up as much as possible.  There are a host (over 100) of other physical complications that can result from induced abortions, such as lacerations and infections, and a whole other set of possible long-term consequences up to and including sterilization.  Psychological effects are profound for the pregnant mother and those close to her; a post-abortive mother often experiences emotional paralysis immediately following her abortion, similar to PTSD (shell-shock), and are 160% more likely than delivering women to be hospitalized for psychiatric recovery.  Depression, anxiety, sleep disturbances, nervous disorders- these are all quite common in women who have gone through abortions; the only positive emotional response reported? Relief (as in, "glad that's over").  Self-medicating with drugs or an increased consumption of alcohol occur in more than 1/3 of these women, and repression of psychological effects can occur for 5 years or more- that means avoidance of people, places, things, that may remind her of her abortion, often with the result that no closure is ever achieved.  That seems like a lot of trouble to go through in pursuit of mere "relief."

Let us also not forget that abortion historically has as it's greatest proponents sexist and eugenicist movements.  Margaret Sanger herself, the founder of Planned Parenthood, was notoriously racist and sought the systematic elimination of "lesser races" and the socially "unfit" poor and infirm.  To this day, PP targets poorer minority neighborhoods, not because they are running a charity organization that also just happens to be America's largest abortion provider (I'd LOVE to take a look at their profit margins), but because they actually believe these people shouldn't be having children.  China takes the lead in abortions by a vast margin worldwide, most of which were forced upon women due to a one-child policy.  Sex-selective abortions are quite common in Asia, and are apparently gaining in popularity in other countries, including the United States.  Why?  Because boys are better than girls?  Interestingly enough, unplanned pregnancies and abortions are MORE likely in developed nations where alternate birth control is not only available, but encouraged.  It seems that the push for consequence-free sex has an effect not just on "personal, private decisions," but on our culture as a whole.

If you are blessed enough to move in circles where abortion is not acceptable, your number of missing acquaintances may be significantly smaller.  You may not know anyone personally who has had an abortion (or may not realize that you do).  But no one can pretend that these things do not affect us and our society; a person struggling with chronic depression takes that into the world around them.  A woman physically or emotionally wounded by abortion could even be rendered incapable of motherhood later on.  Even our current housing market and social security crises can be linked to the severely depleted ratio of supply and demand, as they are now realizing in several European countries as well.

Here's the gist of what I'm saying: the abortion epidemic is anything but private.  It is widespread, pervasive, and damaging to a great many people.  Abortion lobbyists have pushed for us to consider anything reproductive as "none of your business" while at the same time being as loud and proud as they can of their "sexual liberation."  Could it be that they insist on "personal and private" as a way of isolating and intimidating women who feel they have no one to go to?  How many of these women would be better helped with real support and encouragement, rather than somebody who claims to be able to sweep it all under a rug (with some really great consequences in the fine print)?  How many boyfriends/husbands/partners have withheld any sort of opinion because they've been told it's strictly a women's issue, only to have a woman give up because she can't do it on her own?  

Speak up, because this is no longer private.  It's everybody's business.

Bringing Home the Bacon

"And the King will answer them, Believe me, when you did it to one of the least of my brethren here, you did it to me."

-Matthew 25:40

I don't think many people understand what we mean when Roman Catholics say "He is our Papa."

Yes, Papa is Latin for Pope; it is, in fact, where we get the term.  The Greek is nearly identical.  But it is also the word for "Father;" and the Greek Pappas is also the child's familiar word for father- or daddy.  So yes, again, our Pope is the successor of Peter; we follow the office of the Bishop of Rome as well as our Magisterium, and he is, generally speaking, our authority figure (all pause here while we wrap our minds around willingly accepting somebody else as an authority, while maintaining that we also have a free will and intellectual capacity **gasp**).  We even have the audacity to claim that he is infallible in teaching us about matters of faith and morals.  But our Pope is also something much more, or rather, additional.

A good friend and priest once mentioned recently that all priests throughout the world are actually considered members of the papal household- that the Pope is their father, just as they often act as our spiritual fathers within our parish life.  He is not only the Head of the Church, but also spiritual director in a very profound and intimate way with all Catholics.  He gives us an example to follow; we cherish his words and blessings, we marvel when we see the ways that God works in and through him as a disciple of Christ.  It is frequently noted that the tone set by the Pope becomes the tone for the Church worldwide, especially now that the media and the internet have made so many events immediate to our lives.

So when Pope Francis was elected, the response was immediate as well.  And a little entertaining.  (Okay, maybe a lot entertaining).  Who was this man, this Jesuit, who was going to live out his vow of poverty while holding the most public office worldwide?  What do you MEAN, he paid his own hotel bill?  He washes the feet of AIDS patients??  NO RED LOAFERS?!?!?!  Honestly, all of these things are not only well within what ought to be the norm for many Catholics, but pretty darn Christ-like in their example.  I'm not sure where the surprise is coming from, but it IS pretty great in terms of calling us all to pick up the pace in our own lives.

That being said, I've been reflecting a little on how to incorporate Papa Francisco's works of mercy into my own life.  "Doing small acts with great love," a la Mother Teresa seems the way to go; after all, I am a stay-at-home Mom who will probably not be getting my own TV or radio show any time soon.  Converting thousands by my famed wit and unsurpassed evangelization technique seems pretty far-fetched at this point.  And while I know very well that forming young minds to know and love God, and to brave the World in order to change it is the most important work I can possibly be doing, the wonder and awe of that work often gets drowned out in the every day I-spend-so-much-time-changing-diapers-this-is-ridiculous brand of exhaustion.  A sense of responsibility may allow your household to function on a basic level, but it probably won't allow it to thrive, and it certainly won't help the spiritual development of yourself, your spouse, and your children.

Sometimes God likes to give us little affirmations when we're on the right track.

So today, I met Jesus at the grocery store.  At the end of a very long day, with 2 sick children at home, and the sudden realization that we have a refrigerator-restocking emergency, I had every intention of getting in, getting out, and possibly breaking my previous time record.  

Then I hit the checkout lane.  Purely to encourage me to grow in the virtue of patience, the couple in line ahead of me had trouble with the U-Scan.  But I stayed the course, thinking I could still get through faster than I would if I pulled out and found a different lane.  So I finally got to the register, payed for my things, and was halfway through bagging, when one of those people pulled in behind me.  A shining example of human vulnerability- an elderly woman, obviously frail and using a motorized cart, missing teeth, and very likely struggling with some form of dementia as well.  And a nudge from our Lord.  You want me to take care of HER, too, huh?  But I've been taking care of people all day!  

And then she spoke: "Do you work here?  Can somebody help me?"  

I looked (okay, I admit, somewhat desperately) for the cashier in charge of the U-Scan lanes, who is also apparently moonlighting in a disappearing act.  She has (unsurprisingly) vanished.  I take a moment to enjoy her magic skills and also the mischievous look that is probably on God's face right now.  Okay, let's do this.  

20 minutes later, I had helped her pay for her single item, and also had a surprisingly open glimpse into her life.  She was, in fact, suffering from various medical and mental problems, which she told me about in uncomfortable detail.  She also shared about her family; she has several grandchildren, some of whom are the same age as my own kiddos.  She was overjoyed when she realized I was pregnant.  She also told me, as I was trying to leave, that "God loves you.  I tell that to my grandson, too, every night, and he's learned to say it to others, too."  

Touche.